No Excuse Workout

So for the last few months I have been working out a lot. I tried for 5 days a week. Some months I did better than others, but for the most part, I worked out A LOT. Since I started working on June 23rd I have been trying to keep up working out and I actually have done pretty well at doing at least 30 minutes about 5 days a week. Whether its just a 2 mile run and some abs, or a workout video… I tried to do something… 

BUT NOW…. I have absolutely no desire to workout. My motivation is just gone… 

I don’t know why but I just never feel like working out, when before I was enjoying it and it had just become a part of my daily routine. Maybe it’s because I’m close to my goal weight, or I just don’t care, or maybe I think eating less will compensate but I just don’t want to do anything. It’s been only 3 days since I worked out but I can’t say whether or not I feel guilty. During the semester I would feel guilty for going 1 day without exercising and now I am just trying to think of something I can do without putting a lot of effort in. I feel so lazy. I know 3 days doesn’t seem like a lot, but the worry is that 3 days is going to turn into a week and then 2 weeks and so on….

So I came across this “No Excuse Workout”. Maybe if I do this I won’t feel so bad about myself… 

Just another morning

So I woke up this morning and like every other morning the first thing I think about… Breakfast. Breakfast has become the core of my day since I started losing weight. I used to be a pancakes, French toast and cinnamon roll girl. Now I love my yogurt, Cheerios (although I’ve always loved Cheerios), granola… So today I decided on oatmeal, not my favorite but I have this really healthy stuff and after deciding to be really bad yesterday I thought it may be a good day to be good.
So where I live they also have a free weekday light breakfast where I normally grab a yogurt or apple for later. Today was rough… I couldn’t stop staring at those damn muffins and bagels. I literally would have done anything to have one. I think it’s the days that I decide in advance to be good are the days I struggle the most. I am so proud of myself for not giving it. Especially that I know I won’t be eating great this weekend. But I guess I’ll discuss that when I get there.
This is probably the most pointless post but I don’t care, cause writing about that just made me feel a lot better and helped stop my craving!
I don’t even know why I’m still dieting like this, I weigh 131 which I know is healthy. I guess I just need to be under that 130 mark for satisfaction. Hopefully I’ll be happy then…
I promise to post about relevant topics at some point. Or maybe not… This is my blog right?

Day 2

So it’s day 2. 7 am. And I’m writing a post… wow I’m kind of impressed with myself. I guess waking up to people following me is inspiring or something. 

I’m not quite sure what direction to go with this, whether to talk about my weight loss journey (which a million people have done, but everyone loves to hear), focus on food (cause EVERYONE LOVES food), to just blurt out my thoughts (which seems to be the direction I’m going now), or actually plan out posts about different topics and shit (which I can’t see lasting too long). I think I’m just gonna write and maybe I’ll form a direction along the way. If anyone has any suggestions, feel free to let me know… I’m VERY willing to take some ideas. 

So far this morning, I’ve already weighed myself (scale said 130 btw). Seeing that number was pretty exciting, but with my unhealthy relationship with the scale it doesn’t mean too much… Ive been jumping between 129 and 135 for the last few weeks… So I guess I’m happy it’s at the lower end. However, I made a promise to myself on Monday that I would stop weighing myself every day because I know I do it too much… I guess I broke my promise. 

I also promised myself to stop counting calories. So I actually stopped using MyFitnessPal (GREAT APP as I’m sure most of you have heard about it) but I’ve been using it so much the last few months I already have most of the calories memorized. I also still read every single label and basically track the calories in my head. So I feel like I’m kind of cheating myself. I just am so freaking paranoid about gaining weight back that I can’t seem to let myself stop dieting. I’m sure this is a very cliche issue and most of you don’t care but I’ve gotten to the point where it doesn’t seem like a diet anymore because I physically can’t stop doing it… I feel like its becoming an unhealthy lifestyle but Im just too scared to stop. I’m not a yo-yo dieter or anything. I haven’t lost and regained a million times so I don’t know why I’m so scared. I know my lifestyle has changed and I can’t imagine eating enough food to gain 50 lbs but somehow, you never know, it could happen… But I know I need to start to let myself go and enjoy things around me again.

Which is why that piece of cake yesterday was literally a slice of heaven… OMG I started to think about it again. I wish I could just sit and eat cake like I used to sometime. Sometimes I think I was happier when I was fat because I could just sit and eat whatever I wanted without getting mad at myself or paranoid. 

 

New and Improved?

Time for my first rant… I mentioned that someone said I was the new and improved me.
I know they meant it as a compliment, but I just don’t know. As the weight came off I knew saw it on the scale but I never really saw it when I looked at myself. I also in no way thought of it changing me, let alone making me a better person.
I know it’s crazy. But does being skinnier really improve me as an overall person, did she think less of me before because I weighed more? I knew I wasn’t happy with myself before, but I didn’t think of myself as any better because I was now an “average” weight.

BTW. Should just clarify… I am 5’3″
Max weight: 182lbs
Current weight: 131lbs
Goal weight: ????

I still don’t know if I should consider myself skinny because people are unhealthy now a days. I know I am “healthy” but I need to learn to accept where I am and stop obsessing over every pound.

I am starting to enjoy just writing for myself, even if no one else sees this.

SUPER PLUS: I now have a place to put all the recipes I find when I’m bored and on google at work!

More about me

So I wonder if anyone will ever read this, how do I get people to even see this?

Anyway… me. So the basics.

1. I am 20 years old (born May 13, 1994)
2. I am from a small town outside of Albany, NY
3. I studied abroad at the age of 16 in Israel
4. I go to Clarkson University (In tiny Potsdam NY)
5. I’m currently completing a co-op at Johnson & Johnson in NJ
6. I used to be fat

I think that covers the basics.

Sometime I’ll put pictures on so people can see who they’re reading about (if anyone ever reads this)

 

So this is a blog…

So I never thought of myself as a blog person, whatever that means.  I’m not sure if anyone will read this, hell i dont know if I will ever open this page again. 

It’s crazy to me that a single piece of store bought chocolate birthday cake could influence me this much. The cake was good, but i know it wasnt that great. But I guess after not eating cake in so long it just made it so much better.

So I guess this blog is gonna be about me and my journey over the last, i think its 9 months, and how I have become (as someone said to me just the other day) “new and improved”. Am I really new and improved… I don’t know. I guess I’ll have to think about it and get back to myself on it.